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31 July 2011 @ 11:43 pm
fic: the theory of narrative causality; ii  



Page 1 of 1
 From: my_croft
    To:   consulting_detective
You have yet to thank me for pairing you up with your little crush, brother mine.

MH

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 From: consulting_detective
    To:   my_croft
I do not require coddling.

SH

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 From: consulting_detective
    To:   my_croft
It's not a crush.

SH

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 From: my_croft
    To:   consulting_detective
But you are now in speaking terms with him.

MH

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 From: consulting_detective
    To:   my_croft
You rigged the poll. Of course.

SH

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 From: my_croft
    To:   consulting_detective
For which I do believe you now owe me.

MH

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 From: consulting_detective
    To:   my_croft
Piss off.

SH

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Page 1 of 1







i'm not half the man you think i am (not_thatbill) wrote,
@ 2011-04-20 22:19:00


Let's have a con show
THIS IS THE GATHER-UP POST FOR THE MAY 7th-8th WEEKEND CONVENTION. Comment if you're planning on going, blah blah, you know the drill, etc

Word on who's coming among the crew and actors says definitely Ritchie, and at least RDJ and JL too, we're hoping for Steven Motherfucking Fry to come play Big Brother but don't get your hopes up

The Doctor Who panel apparently has the Moff itself, and possibly the main trio (yay Karen Gillian!), but no spoilers given about the second half of the season just yet

Neil Gaiman has just confirmed he'd be there

And there's something going on about the new Tintin movie shit, but that's super-secret and no one knows anything about it yet, so we'll just have to play it by ear, link me if you know more

CAN WE HAS CAT MACROS NAO

COME AT ME BROS


(45 comments) - (Post a new comment)







Page 1 of 1
From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
So what you're saying is, basically, you can deduce people out the way Sherlock Holmes would. By, uh. Looking at their thumbs? or something?

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
It is only a matter of looking at people, John.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Yeah, but. I mean, things have changed since 1881. There's the Internet, and the jobs people do have changed, and social cues are entirely different. To apply Holmes' deductions to today — well, it's a completely different world.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
I am thirty-four years old. Cambridge was boring. I had a lot of free time on my hands.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Cambridge was boring?

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
You do realize you are repeating yourself.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Yeah, yeah, alright. So what about me? go on. I've cached my IP address long ago, so unless you've been stalking me, which I don't think is quite your style, all you've got is my journal entries to go on. I'd like a deduction, please.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
Very well. You're an army doctor. You've been invalidated home from Afghanistan, or possibly Irak, somewhere in the Middle East. You've been wounded, probably in action, and suffer from a strong case of PSTD. You work daily at a surgery with your beta sarah_s, with whom you have had a casual relationship for a few months, but eventually broke it off on the basis that you remain friends.

You read Doyle's stories as a child, but never had any personal involvement in them until your return to London two years ago, when you found the resemblances between yourself and handsome Doctor Watson rather striking. You consider fanfiction a means of coping with your post-trauma and convincing yourself into a normal life once again. You are not particularly fond of a normal life, but are highly susceptible to peer pressure. Also, it's fun.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
I

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Sorry, was a bit amazed, hit Send too soon. So I, uh. That's pretty amazing.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Sorry, right, that doesn't quite cover it. That's brilliant. How d'you do that? I mean, I guess you could know the army doctor, working at a surgery thing if you were stalking me, but the PTSD? and the reading Doyle's stories when I was a kid?

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
If you say 'Elementary, my dear Watson,' I will hunt you down.

:D

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
You're babbling.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
I'm aware of that, yeah.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Also, you're stalling.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
Oh, fine. The medical studies are obvious — you speak of medicine yourself at length in your journal, protesting against a certain type of drug, making a celebratory post about that AIDS breakthrough a few weeks ago, you probably don't quite realize it yourself you are knowledgeable in military matters, more so than anybody else in this fandom. You mentioned having had a gun in your hand and riding a chopper in the past, and you've talked at length on the situation in the Middle East recently; you're clearly directly affected by it. Hence, military doctor, simple enough.

You have talked of pains in your shoulder and your leg without extrapolating on them; you seem relatively unfazed by the shoulder ache, but increasingly irritated by your leg, which means the reasons for each are different. You accept the shoulder wound because you consider it justified by your past; so, wounded in action. But your leg plays up when it should not, most likely from a psychosomatic limp, of which you are aware but unable to get rid. Your working daily at the local surgery fits in with the logical continuity of your medical knowledge.

Your relationship with sarah_s is a close one, and you've several times mentioned having lunch with her; however, you've also made a point of not meeting fandom friends offline, and of reserving this for people you know from everyday meetings. You lead a very busy, tiring day, if your complaints of paperwork and long hours are to be believed, and would not take several hours off on a weekday merely to have lunch with a friend. So you're working together, and are eating out on your lunch hour for company. You are informal with each other, but there is a slight awkwardness to your relationship, especially when you mention going out with someone, which can only fit new acquaintances — a level you have already passed through — or lovers turned friends again, unwilling to pry in their ex's affairs.

As for fanfiction, I should think that was obvious. Your past still haunts you, but you clearly enjoy writing your stories, and generally favour John Watson's POV, which, knowing your history, indicates that you are projecting your own experiences into them. It is quite a common means of coping with their pasts for invalidated soldiers to write down their experiences, and clearly your psychiatrist has put you up to it. You do it in quite a derived way, but you do it nonetheless.

Satisfied?

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Wow.

No, hold on, I need to reread this.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
What about the bit about my reading the Doyle stories when I was a kid?

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
You said so yourself.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Did I?

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
Yes.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
How'd you know I have a psychiatrist, though?

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
You are an ex-army doctor with a psychosomatic limp. Of course you've got a psychiatrist.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
John?

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Rrrrrrrright, hold on, still need to swallow this.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Nope, sorry, still amazing. It's got to be tremendous work, remembering all these things, how'd you do that? It's extraordinary.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
Do you think so?

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
'Course I do. It's amazing. Surely you know that.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
It's not what people usually say.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
What do people usually say?

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
GTFO.

Or, alternatively, DIAF.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
LOL.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Seriously though, I feel a bit like the original John Watson must have felt when Holmes deduced the shit out of him in STUD.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
The original John Watson.

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   consulting_detective
Oh, you know what I mean.

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From: consulting_detective
   To:   jumperfucker
Yes, John, I rather think I do.

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cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker ) wrote,
@ 2011-04-23 14:54:00


So. Remember the superhero!Watson!thread? and me saying I'd write crack!fic of it?

10,000 words later, here I am, still wondering when the hell the whole thing turned into such a monster. I'm working on Big Bang Fic, I don't have time for cracky AUs.

Or, well. Apparently I do.

Title: Derringer Sky
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Verse: '09
Length: give or take 10,000 words, I don't even know.
Rating: NC-17. Android!sort-of!sex, yo.
Warnings: Where to start, um. Violence, gore, sex, secondary character death, swearing, potentially triggering for war wounds and bombings, Consensual Feelings between a human being and a thinking machine (literally).
Beta Credit: sarah_s and storm_ford, as usual, with all the love and gratitude they deserve.
Disclaimer: I own neither Sherlock Holmes nor Doctor Watson, though technically they're been in the public domain for a while now. Originally ACD's, Ritchie's in this 'verse.
Summary: The third time he woke up, John Watson was strapped to a table in a white lab, and a man was standing over him with a scalpel and a highly alarming grin. Modern!AU: Watson is a rather befuddled superhero, Holmes's his breathing android.

( you clearly don't know what you are about, my dear )


(125 comments) - (Post a new comment)







... objectively enough, Holmes knows what his skin tastes of — it is polyethylene and plastic, and with mouth pressed to it it tastes of machine oil and metal. The blood that runs in his veins is synthetic, his brain a fine web of silver fiber, a network. His heart is gold, beating faintly against his ribcage, where he would feel it if he would but press his hand to his chest. As it is, it is Watson's head that rests in this place — golden and drunken, mumbling as Holmes turns a page. From this close, there is a faint birthmark where the man's jaw touches his neck, a cross-like indentation into the skin, and Holmes thinks of touching it, of feeling the slight depression dip smoothly underneath the synthetic pad of his thumb.

They have hours until dawn and until Watson wakes up, with a gasp and a jolt and a base apology, and so Holmes takes the opportunity to map him out, categorize his jaw and his nose and his eyes, the fine bristling hairs of his moustache. Oh, he has done it before. But a sleeping Watson is a sight to behold — he is quite different, like this. He would also smell quite terrible, if Holmes had not switched off his olfactive facilities.

Holmes enjoys alcohol on a purely aesthetic level, but does sometimes wonder — to lose consciousness as his friend does, abandon the cherished control of his actions, might be quite the magnificent experience. Something superb to remember, when his framework becomes too fragile to sustain the assault of voices and colours. Methadone's the closest he's come to it, just yet; Mycroft built him well.

But Mycroft would not foresee Watson, the bare scrap of a man, returned from Afghanistan with a limp, sun-bleached hair, and a heart fit for heroes. He'd not foreseen the addiction — the gambling and the drink, and the terrible influence, the lure itching at the edges of Holmes' skin.

(To be quite fair, Holmes had not, either; the good doctor was a statical unlikelihood, a pretty mixture of sound and unsound morality, something breathless and inconceivable.)








Page 1 of 1
From: theimprobableone
   To:   jumperfucker
please stay away from consulting_detective

hes a better man than you could evr dream to be and you dont deserve to be his friend

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From: jumperfucker
   To:   theimprobableone
Nice sock-puppetry you've got going on there, mate.

Fuck you, by the way.

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Page 1 of 1







this is your larynx (sarah_s) posted in cox_and_co,
@ 2011-04-26 20:08:00


REC POST FOR NEWBIES
SHALL WE HAVE A REC POST? LET'S HAVE A REC POST. REC POSTS ARE COOL.

Because if there's one thing the newbies need when they come here, it's a place to find the fandom classics. The stories that became fanon. Those that influenced us all, and continue to do so. I asked my_croft if this was legit, and he said Yes of course, but obviously I couldn't gather everything that was ever written, that'd be impossible, we're the oldest fandom ever. So, all, this is a dynamic post! just add in your favourites, everything you've ever loved about this fandom, everything you think new members of the comma would need to know — your favourite fics, your favourite essays, your favourite fanart, your favourite zines, your favourite ids, your favourite everything! make this fun for everyone, this post must be FILLED WITH LOVE.

I'll start.

fic;

The Remembrance Series, by jumperfucker
Holmes/Watson | NC-17 | 43,000 words

It was quite the wonderful thing, these Strand books standing in line, on our shelves, thin red-spined soldiers that told old stories, stories I had written once and then forgotten as I wrote more. I set the last one down, and as my hand lingered on its cover, where it rested against a bronze elephant of a bookend, I heard Holmes muttering to himself in one of our lumber-rooms, where he doubtless accomplished a task equal to mine. He had kept all his notes, after all, of every case I had ever recorded, of those I had published, of those I kept safely locked away. His were a chaotic, disorderly mess, and mine — well, here were mine. Locked away as well, in a sense, in the sharp prison of my words and pretty falsehoods. Thirty years of them, and grown silver in our memory."
The One. The Ultimate. The Only. It begins in autumn 1914, two weeks after His Last Bow and two more before Watson departs for the front in France; and then — by way of memory — travels back in time to key periods of their relationship. jumperfucker recounts thirty years of two people being so in love it physically hurts, and does so in the best, most aching way imaginable.
The Special Way, by storm_ford
Holmes, Watson, Lestrade | PG-13 | 5,900 words

"'There is a certain amount of the ridiculous in this,' Holmes remarked quite matter of factly.

'Yes, Holmes, you're very perceptive. That is quite a remarkable account of our present situation. Now would you please apply your exceptional powers of deduction to ascertaining a way out for ourselves?'

'I say, this is very uncomfortable.'

'Lestrade, that's my — er — that's a rather private. Part. That you've got your face pressed against. Of mine. A private part of mine, I mean.'

'Don't fluster the good inspector, Watson.'

'Holmes, there are merely some parts of my anatomy that I wish the good inspector had nothing to do with.'

'Well, at least it isn't the Thames this time.'

'Yes, we're all still dressed. I suppose you assume this is a good point.'

'Is this you two trying to be subtle?'"
Best. Crackfic. Ever. Holmes, Watson and Lestrade are stuck in a closet. Everything goes to hell very very fast.
Hello, by neveryou_again
Holmes/Watson | R | 15,700 words

"'Holmes,' he said, 'this is preposterous. You have but one word to say and I shall follow you this evening, wherever you please. If you have gotten tired of my company—'

'Nonsense, Watson! You have had a very trying week, I know. I should not wish to inflict a long, tiring stake-out upon you.'

'I would hardly call my week trying, Holmes. I have spent it tending to rheumatic spinsters who believe everything is the matter with them, and then coming home to see you locking yourself in your room as soon as I step through the threshold. What on earth is the matter with you?'"
Angst, UST, and misunderstandings by the dozen. neveryou_again captures all the difficulties and complexities of having a relationship with an addict, and trying to work it out, and sometimes failing. She also teaches us, with the greatest care and compassion, that sometimes, just sometimes, when you think you're just not going to be alright, there's still hope. And there's still a way.


The Back Staircase, by w_harry
Holmes/Watson, Irene/Mary | NC-17 | 6,000 words

"'Sit down, my dear,' Holmes murmured, rubbing his well-lubricated hands together briskly as he towered about me, his slate eyes taking in every detail of my anatomy. 'Make yourself quite comfortable, I shall be attending to you in an instant. Would you terribly mind undoing my trousers? My hands are somewhat occupied, you see.'"

A fandom agrees: w_harry writes the best porn, slash and femslash both. She isn't afraid of anything kinky — ever — and makes even physical technicalities sound hot. (Trust me, this is coming from a doctor, I know how unsexy a close-up look at a man's perineum can be. And yet w_harry makes it somehow really fucking sexy.)

art;

An Evening In Bed, by consulting_detective
Holmes/Watson | NSFW

DO NOT OPEN THIS AT WORK. OR WITH ANYONE IN THE ROOM. AND MAKE SURE TO HAVE A SHOWER NEARBY.

consulting_detective 's art has become fanon by now, I'm sure, and much as I'm sure he would scold me for not focusing on his drawing techniques and crayon skills, I'll just touch a word on the (gorgeous) anatomy and then just tell you all how marvelously hot his art is. Like jumperfucker , though, this really stands as a rec for everything he's ever drawn — just follow the tags on on his journal.


SHERLOCK HOLMES IN STICK FIGURES, by salts_theway
ensemble cast | SFW

All 26 stories and four novels reinterpreted. In stick figures. Genius.


The Motherfucking Task Force of Scotland Yard, by di_mock
ensemble cast | SFW

If you don't LOL fit enough to break a rib, you've no soul whatsoever. Just sayin'.


misc;

THE NOT-ENTIRELY LEGAL POST OF DOWNLOADING STUFF, in which you can find pretty much every Sherlock Holmes TV-show and movie you might hope for. The list is continually updated as more links are offered to the mods, so be sure to keep checking in!

I present you with one Doctor Watson, by jumperfucker , an study of our favorite ex-army Doctor and his many, many incarnations and interpretations.

miss mary morstan, miss violet hunter, mrs irene norton, by lass_sirene , a fantastic essay on how misogyny affects a fandom and how it is possible to fight it.

Icons & Graphics: a celebratory post, by let_us_trade , on occasion of holmeschat 's seventh anniversary.

EVERYONE, PLEASE PARTICIPATE. C'MON, ALL. LET'S MAKE THIS THE HAPPIEST, CRAZIEST POST IN THIS COMM.

<3


(154 comments) - (Post a new comment)


part iii.
 
 
 
Rayna (Nin)ningen_demonai on August 1st, 2011 01:26 am (UTC)
Oh dammit, now I hafta use that icon as my default icon forever. THANKS. XD

They cliiiiick and do that dotted line and everything, even if they don't lead to anywhere, eeeee~ *The most easily amused*

I would like to inform you that I bought a "COME AT ME BRO" pic solely because of Bill. What have you done to me?

Hee hee, Derringer Sky, hee. ♥

My kingdom for an actual "miss mary morstan, miss violet hunter, mrs irene norton" post so we can stick it in DC's face. Stupid DC. :|
Elizabethbananahater336 on August 1st, 2011 08:44 pm (UTC)
"GTFO.

Or, alternatively, DIAF." HAHAHA. But sad. But HAHAHA. Because that's totally so Sherlock. *petpetpet*

And why would someone tell John he's not good enough to be friends with Sherlock?! D= 'Cause they're perfect together! They are the biggest of BNFs! They are wonderful! I love them! <3
voices in the darkmisha0529 on August 3rd, 2011 09:32 am (UTC)
Ahahahaha Mycrooooft.

You are an ex-army doctor with a psychosomatic limp. Of course you've got a psychiatrist. ONE OF MY FAVORITE LINES IN THE SERIES.

GTFO.

Or, alternatively, DIAF.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE LINES IN THIS FIC. Hahahaha.

Also, Derringer Sky--I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE. Because seriously you had me at Rating: NC-17. Android!sort-of!sex, yo..
Krisquiet000001 on December 16th, 2011 12:45 pm (UTC)
Me too. I keep poking the internet just in case it really does and I've missed it somehow.

(btw, if it does and I have? LINK. LINK NOW.)
il advint qu'un beau soir;falling_voices on December 16th, 2011 01:17 pm (UTC)
I'm still writing that, tbh.

Slowly. In the BBC!verse. But it'll get done someday. :D
LizM: SJsidewaysliz_mo on August 5th, 2011 05:52 am (UTC)
All the blogs that exist. With so many entries! This is awesome!
Edited to add that I know I shouldn't be greedy with all the awesomeness, but I wish some of those stories existed for real.

Edited at 2011-08-05 05:53 am (UTC)
Kat: heishin7katty008 on September 23rd, 2011 08:23 pm (UTC)
Rereading the Derringer Sky bit gave me a plunnie. Damn you.

(wherein Sherlock is John's Iron Man-esque armor. "Heat signatures show that they've split up. Go after the one in the black hat, the other one has an unrequited crush on him and will come to the rescue." "WILL YOU SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON FIGHTING BAD GUYS HERE.")

Also, noticed a few typos. In the bit with Mycroft and Sherlock, Mycroft says "But you are now in speaking terms with him." It should be "on" speaking terms. And in Sherlock's deduction it should be "Iraq" and "PTSD", not "Irak" and "PSTD".
sfumatosoupsfumatosoup on October 18th, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC)
theres just so much to look at and read and i get so confused and overjoyed and seriously. The RECS are honest to god TEASES. Why AREN'T THEY REALLLL? arrg. (pulls out hair in chunks).

I want to cry out moooaaar. But I'm afraid if I do, consulting_detective will troll me. O_o
I think I'm...
losing my mind. I don't even know if I can tell what's real anymore.

k. onto part 3.
(Anonymous) on November 3rd, 2011 05:45 am (UTC)
Oh god, I want these links. I keep forgetting that this is a narrative itself and not a cool community I've just stumbled across. This is just so real.
chibinecco: Puddle of Goochibinecco on January 23rd, 2012 09:07 pm (UTC)
Oh no. nononono XD I am loving this fic SO much, and I want all the links in that rec-post to be real SO badly, because they all sound SO good XD I may end up writing/drawing one or two of them... no promises, because I'm ADHD and can barely stop reading long enough to comment let alone create something, no matter HOW awesome the plotbunny. This fic is so meta, it's BRILLIANT.
bellcheria: JohnLockbellcheria on July 15th, 2012 03:56 am (UTC)
Mycroft takes the cake in this jdbsdksajd uwaaahh and Sarah is so super cute ;A;~~~
Babedont_callmebabe on September 18th, 2016 11:33 pm (UTC)
Juste génial ! De mieux en mieux, Plus on lit et plus on y croit, c'est addictif au possible !
Encore bravo !