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31 July 2011 @ 11:48 pm
fic: the theory of narrative causality; vi  




cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker) wrote,
@ 2011-06-25 23:06:00



oh

oh








Text to: Sherlock Holmes

You.

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Utter.

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Prat.

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

You couldn't just have told me?

Text to: John Watson

No.

SH

Text to: John Watson

I did not wish to distract you from
the relationship we were forming
by informing you of my physical
features.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Right. And it was fun, wasn't it,
reading me wax lyrical about this
gorgeous bloke I kept bumping
into at cons.

Text to: John Watson

Yes, very.

We're currently sharing the
same bowl of pasta in the same
restaurant, John. What are you
trying to prove by texting me
under the table?

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

You can't deduce it?

Text to: John Watson

I have. I wish you'd tell me
yourself.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Ah, but I don't think you have.
See, the look on your face every
time your phone buzzes is rather
charm








cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker) wrote,
@ 2011-06-27 21:49:00


Well, life goes on.

I'm glad to say there have been no grave disturbances in my private or public life after this disaster — apart from the occasional fan dropping by at the surgery, but I think I can deal with that, so long as you don't bother me during work hours.

(Seriously, don't bother me during work hours. I'm lucky enough to be under sarah_s's orders — which keeps the both of us quietly away from the eyes of The Management — but I already have a perfectly workable stash of briefs in my possession, thank you very much. Opening a package in front of my oldest, most gossipy regular and finding four very charming red lace men's knickers inside is hardly Proper Work Behaviour. Okay? okay.)

I'm a little surprised by the lack of repercussions, considering that the_professor pretty much laid me bare for the world to see, but I'm not about to complain. So I, uh, wrote porn? to celebrate. Yeah.

Title: Here You Are, At Night
Pairing: Holmes/Watson (ACD 'verse/Granada? ish)
Length: 2,500 words
Rating: NC-17. Not overly graphic, but it's fairly obvious what they're doing.
Warnings: Uh, porn? some violence at the start. (Not in bed, though.)
Beta Credit: consulting_detective, for great justice
Disclaimer: Doyle would probably have an apoplexy if he knew what I'm doing with his characters. Or maybe he wouldn't care, considering.
Summary: Holmes looked ragged and tense, leaning back against the bathtub as it filled; he had taken out five of the eleven men who had been set on us that night, and his lanky frame was shaking with fatigue. I could hardly breathe, looking at him.

( do hand me the soap, watson )


(78 comments) - (Post a new comment)








... 'Really, my dear,' he said, smiling breathlessly down at me. He rested lightly upon my chest, most of his weight braced upon his thighs, and with each shift of his hips his buttocks grazed my cock. I sighed. I cradled him, felt the give and stretch of his skin under my palms, the thin, long bones, his toned stomach and the damning small of his back. His arm shook slightly as his hand drove inside him, one long finger at a time, where I could not see it.

'Holmes,' I said, and my voice broke, I’m afraid. Slightly. Just a little. His eyes flickered, one unsteady fluttering of eyelashes; I saw his chest hitch, saw his elbow twist and
reach, his lips fall open.

'Quiet,' he said, slowly. Oh, it was good, and I could have come from this alone; I could have come from watching him. I did. I watched him until I thought my body would break, my mind grow so focused and delicate that it would shatter to pieces — he would put me back together afterwards, and it would be delightful, his long hands and his pale eyes, on me, he would never stop touching me. Like this. Just like this, I thought.

His hand moved to my neck — it curled there, thumb resting against the carotid artery, his wrist sure and strong upon my collarbone. Two long fingers drove up, caught in my hair and forever stopped there. So did my heart, for a moment.

I had had men before, and I had had the heat, the slick and the tight, and this was no different; I had not expected it to. Bodies are much the same, and his — though doubtlessly as brilliant and unique as his brain — works as mine does. As his hands skittered across my chest, however, and his neck bowed under the strain of taking me, I pushed my own upwards to touch his waist, my fingertips pressed to the place where I felt him trembling. It was the loss of control, perhaps, that changed this utterly. His hair was damp where it fell over his brow, obscured one eye and changed the shape of his mouth.

I believe that I murmured
Dear God, and oh, and when he laughed at me and sat solidly across my hips, the weight of him gradually easing down on me, I found my breath had been taken from me entirely.

'I would keep you, like this,' he told me, but his eyes were closed, and his chest was heaving. My thumbs drove into his hips to make bloody flowers in the morning.

'I know,' I said, the words all but shuddering out of me. He moved slightly, hissed, so I caught him — I caught his hips and then his rear, caught him in the slant of his back, upwards, between his shoulder blades. They were sharp, protruding, angled away from him. I twisted my hand in his hair. "I know, I know. I
would."

He moved in short, sharp jerks, bearing down so as to prevent me quite completely from thrusting up into him. It was quite the strangest love-session I had ever partaken in. I had no control whatsoever, and he was fast losing his own; the bed underneath my back was rippling like water, and the man above me was one I'd loved for years, one I'd not thought had wanted me back until tonight.

He was breathless and arching as he orgasmed, and his body became incredibly pale, and the sight of it took me away as well, hit me in the chest and tore the air from me. I had ten seconds of fragile, interminable bliss, and the one thing I could feel were his hands on my chest and his thighs tight round my hips.

He had fallen forward, I saw, quite a while later. He had caught himself on his forearms. And then he slipped away from me, and fell again, this time barely avoiding crushing my windpipe as he collapsed upon me. 'Very sorry, my boy,' he muttered, the words muffled by my skin. 'I'm afraid tonight's brawl in the wharves has quite taken me out. You will have to bear with me for a blanket tonight.'

I had exhausted him, I understood. The core of him had been wrung out, and it was beautiful and very, very sad. His breath came shaking against my neck, and his mouth was red and hot.

'Holmes,' I said, and the word anchored me, made me focused. I cradled his head to my chest, and his face in my neck, sank my fingers in his damp hair; little by little his breathing slowed, until his hand moved under the blanket and captured my own.









jumperfucker
Actions
consulting.detective is connected.
 
20:26consulting.detective: There is a reason why you haven't been bothered overmuch after the_professor's revelations, you know.
20:26you: oh god, let me guess.
your brother's the british government and he's having me on surveillance
that'd be rather creepy though.
20:27consulting.detective: Well.
You've got it all right for once.
20:27you: ...
you're kidding
sherlock
you're kidding, right?
20:28consulting.detective: Mycroft likes to meddle with any business that's not his own.
For once, though, I am rather grateful for it.
He won't stop crowing about it for ages now, of course.
20:29you: yeah, your parents had a really horrible sense of humor, didn't they?
20:30consulting.detective: They had a strong dislike for doing things halfway, yes.
20:30you: rrrrrright, so basically you're saying your brother is keeping tabs on me now
that's a bit
scary
20:31consulting.detective: He's been keeping tabs on you for a long time, John.
20:31you: sorry, what
hold on, he's not my_croft, is he?
20:32consulting.detective: He's most of the British government and he has a lot of time on his hands.
As well as a trusty PA who likes to read PWPs.
20:33you: okay, that's a bit too tmi for my tastes, thanks
but, uh
thank him for me, I guess
 
british.government is connected.

20:34british.government: You're very welcome, John.
 
british.government is disconnected.

30:35you: ooookay.
30:35consulting.detective: Piss off, Mycroft.
Pop-in 








Text to: John Watson

I'm picking you up this evening.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

You don't even know when my
shift ends.

Text to: John Watson

Six-thirty.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

How could you possibly know
that.

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

You haven't called Mycroft, have
you?

Text to: John Watson

Mycroft?

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Right, sorry, I forgot about the
sibling rivalry for a moment.
What then, you've deduced
the time when my shift ends
— from what? You don't even
know what I'm wearing.

Text to: John Watson

Brown corduroys, striped
jumper, leather shoes.
Green undershirt.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Have you been hacking into
my webcam again?

Text to: John Watson

Black pants.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Are you sexting me, Sherlock?

Text to: John Watson

Is this how sexting usually
goes?

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Yes. No. Fuck, I don't even
know anymore.

Text to: John Watson

At any rate, I do not need to
hack into your webcam to
know what you're wearing.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

So you've deduced the color
of my pants by my latest LJ
post. Or something.

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

No, sorry, you've induced the
color of my pants by my latest
LJ post.

Wouldn't want to, you know.
Get mixed up in definitions.

Text to: John Watson

Oh, fuck off.

SH

Text to: Sherlock Holmes

Six-thirty. Holding you to that.








i'll fix you that cuppa (mrs_hudson) wrote in cox_and_co,
@ 2011-06-28 17:41:00


Many thanks to my_croft for letting me post this here!

Darlings, I just wanted to say: we have had much emotion here in the last few days, and some of us have gotten hurt, and I am so very sorry for it. miss_toby and jumperfucker, the poor dears, have been very courageous. If you want to stop by for tea at any time, my door is always open!

But I believe you all deserve congratulations for behaving so responsibly and maturely during this ordeal. You have answered the troll on his menaces and insults without belittling or demeaning yourselves. By calling the_professor (or jim_fromit, as I suppose I should call him?) out on his actions, you have all been greater than he could ever hope to be. I am so very proud of all of you.

Even the cat macros contributions!

Let us have virtual cookies now. :)


(87 comments) - (Post a new comment)


jumperfucker
2011-06-28 06:17 pm (local) (link)
Mrs Hudson, you are a treasure among all.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 

mrs_hudson
2011-06-28 06:19 pm (local) (link)
 My, John, you are too kind! *blushes*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


sarah_s
2011-06-28 06:28 pm (local) (link)
He's right, you know?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
mrs_hudson
2011-06-28 06:31 pm (local) (link)
 Why, thank you very much, my dear.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


miss_toby
2011-06-28 06:41 pm (local) (link)
I could possibly take you up on that offer for tea, if that's all right?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
mrs_hudson
2011-06-28 06:43 pm (local) (link)
 Of course! how does tomorrow at six work for you? I'll make jaffa cakes.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
miss_toby
2011-06-28 06:45 pm (local) (link)
 I love jaffa cakes. :) could I bring salts_theway?

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mrs_hudson
2011-06-28 06:48 pm (local) (link)
 Of course, dear, I'll be delighted to have you both — we'll have a girls' night and write naughty stories.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


not_thatbill
2011-06-28 07:05 pm (local) (link)
Mrs Hudson, sometimes I just want to hug you

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
mrs_hudson
2011-06-28 07:09 pm (local) (link)
 Oh! well, that's lovely of you, young man, but I wouldn't want to make your young lady jealous.

(Reply to this) (Thread)








jumperfucker
Actions
you are connected.
18:11you: gotten the new draft yet? you haven't answered my email.
18:12consulting.detective: Yes, I've gotten it.
Reading.
18:12you: mm. well, let me know. i'd like to know what you think of the sex scenes.
18:14consulting.detective: The ones in the fourth part, I gather.
The first isn’t bad. A bit over-dramatic, of course, but that appears to be one of your trademarks.
18:12you: yeah, you know it's called shipping.
the romanticism is actually supposed to be there
how d'you draw art that's so emotionally intense if you have to keep all the drama out?
18:13consulting.detective: I don't keep all the drama out.
I just don't do theatrics.
18:14you: LOL
oh god, i think i've just pulled a rib just from laughing
YOU'RE THE MOST THEATRICAL PERSON I KNOW
all your sulks and moping
christ sherlock, you live in drama
18:15consulting.detective: I don't mope.
18:15you: you absolutely mope.
you're the emperor of moping.
18:16consulting.detective: Now you're just being petty.
18:16you: :D
you like my petty.
18:17consulting.detective: God knows why.
I don't, however, like your adverbs.
18:17you: you already said that a while back
18:18consulting.detective: It bears repeating.
18:18you: anything else?
18:19consulting.detective: Oh, the whole I'm pining for you even though you clearly want to get me in your bed passage is fairly ridiculous, of course.
That particular ploy has been used so many times in fanfiction it's probably made TVTropes.
18:20you: god, don't make me go on tvtropes now, there's this last doctor who ep on tonight
I don't want to miss out on that
are you even watching the new season, you were at the con
?
18:21consulting.detective: I suppose I could make an effort for tonight.
If you're interested in my company.
18:21you: is this your version of dirty talk?
'cause it needs some serious revising.
18:21consulting.detective: I'm fairly open to suggestions in that regard, John.
18:22you: buy me some chinese and i'm all yours.
18:22consulting.detective: You're already mine.
18:23you: yeah, well.
it goes both ways.
Pop-in 






goodnight, mr sherlock holmes (lass_sirene ) wrote in shwatchalongs,
@ 2011-07-20 19:30:00


Saturday Granada: The Six Napoleons

THE SIX NAPOLEONS



YOUTUBE: HERE
DOWNLOAD: HERE
TIME ZONES CHART: HERE

READY, EVERYONE?


(125 comments) - (Post a new comment)


lass_sirene
2011-07-20 07:42 pm (local) (link)
Popcorn, waffles, beer. I am ready for this.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


sarah_s
2011-07-20 07:44 pm (local) (link)
Sushi for me. :D

(Reply to this) (Thread)


storm_ford
2011-07-20 07:47 pm (local) (link)
Pizza and a lager here.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


not_thatbill
2011-07-20 07:50 pm (local) (link)
Risotto and... whiskey

(Reply to this) (Thread)


miss_toby
2011-07-20 07:51 pm (local) (link)
We've got brownies. And nougat ice cream.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


jumperfucker
2011-07-20 07:54 pm (local) (link)
I've got some Italian myself. Carbonara! rawr. Sounds like a super.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
let_us_trade
2011-07-20 07:55 pm (local) (link)
 It probably is, somewhere.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


lass_sirene
2011-07-20 07:57 pm (local) (link)
Ready?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


lass_sirene
2011-07-20 07:59 pm (local) (link)
AAAAAAAAAND.... GO!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


sarah_s
2011-07-20 08:00 pm (local) (link)
I think you should all know that every time I hear this credits music, I grin to myself like an idiot.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
salts_theway
2011-07-20 08:02 pm (local) (link)
 YANA. My childhooooood

(Reply to this) (Thread)


jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:01 pm (local) (link)
Oh my god, look at this fiiiiiiiiine man

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
sarah_s
2011-07-20 08:02 pm (local) (link)
 IKR?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
mrs_hudson
2011-07-20 08:04 pm (local) (link)
 He is very handsome.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


storm_ford
2011-07-20 08:02 pm (local) (link)
So this is a bit racy, for, what, the 80s? a pervy old man snooping on a half-naked, wet girl?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
lass_sirene
2011-07-20 08:04 pm (local) (link)
 And all the insults that one’s tossing at his sister, too. :/

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
let_us_trade
2011-07-20 08:06 pm (local) (link)
 Yeah, well, seeing that the bloke’s gonna die later on, they have to show he is such a ~Nice Guy.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
sarah_s
2011-07-20 08:05 pm (local) (link)
 I get so much second-hand embarrassment from that scene. D:

(Reply to this) (Thread)


miss_toby
2011-07-20 08:05 pm (local) (link)
Is that the same girl?

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salts_theway
2011-07-20 08:07 pm (local) (link)
 She lookin' good.

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:06 pm (local) (link)
I could never figure out where they're supposed to be living.

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consulting_detective
2011-07-20 08:08 pm (local) (link)
 England, I believe. The address on the crate is a London address without the country attached. Wouldn't be so if they were in another country.

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:09 pm (local) (link)
 Ooh. See, I always found it weird that they'd travel all the way to England at the end. If they were already living there, that actually makes a lot of sense.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


not_thatbill
2011-07-20 08:07 pm (local) (link)
I love the music in that part

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sarah_s
2011-07-20 08:07 pm (local) (link)
Watson, stop sucking on that cigar in such an obvious way, you've got a police inspector right in front of you!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
neveryou_again
2011-07-20 08:08 pm (local) (link)
 They can't not be doing it on purpose. They can't.

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:09 pm (local) (link)
 Oh, hello, are you back already?

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neveryou_again
2011-07-20 08:10 pm (local) (link)
 We're just tuning in for the night. :)

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w_harry
2011-07-20 08:10 pm (local) (link)
 Missed me yet, Johnny?

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:11 pm (local) (link)
 'course I have.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
w_harry
2011-07-20 08:12 pm (local) (link)
 Not what I've heard. What's this about you and consulting_detective finally doing the dirty?

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let_us_trade
2011-07-20 08:12 pm (local) (link)
 Shut up, you two, just look at these three BAMFs, having a lie-in and an evening cigar.

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miss_toby
2011-07-20 08:10 pm (local) (link)
I love how Watson moves to sit next to Lestrade and Holmes immediately looks up. ♥

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consulting_detective
2011-07-20 08:10 pm (local) (link)
He actually pronounces the French quite passably.

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sarah_s
2011-07-20 08:11 pm (local) (link)
I love the way Watson and Lestrade gang up on Holmes. Classic.

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:11 pm (local) (link)
'Yah! brrrrr.' BEST THING EVER.

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lass_sirene
2011-07-20 08:12 pm (local) (link)
 Holmes' little sounds in this episode are the most amazing.

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neveryou_again
2011-07-20 08:11 pm (local) (link)
I love that they've got their little inside jokes. Lestrade's speaking about something horrible, and they're just LOLing.

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let_us_trade
2011-07-20 08:12 pm (local) (link)
*snerk* Military!Watson giving Holmes orders. Love it.

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:13 pm (local) (link)
 And Holmes nearly chokes in his coffee! adorable.

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storm_ford
2011-07-20 08:13 pm (local) (link)
'May I present you with Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson.' I will never get tired of this.

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not_thatbill
2011-07-20 08:13 pm (local) (link)
Watson looking all smug over Holmes' deduction might just be the best thing ever

Just like

Stop being so damn proud of your boyfriend, man

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consulting_detective
2011-07-20 08:15 pm (local) (link)
That session is much too long. Dull. The whole business with the candle could have been cut off and no harm would have come of it.

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:16 pm (local) (link)
Look at how realistic all that blood is!

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consulting_detective
2011-07-20 08:16 pm (local) (link)
Good ending to the scene, though. That bobby's look is quite intense.

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sarah_s
2011-07-20 08:16 pm (local) (link)
I could just stare at him forever. Forever.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
miss_toby
2011-07-20 08:17 pm (local) (link)
 Me too ;o;

(Reply to this) (Thread)


consulting_detective
2011-07-20 08:17 pm (local) (link)
Boring. Shut up, move on, the pace is already slow enough.

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neveryou_again
2011-07-20 08:18 pm (local) (link)
And then they have this completely silent conversation, all in their eyes. They play this so so well.

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let_us_trade
2011-07-20 08:20 pm (local) (link)
I really like this Lestrade. He's got a way of dragging out the syllable. What do you think, Mr Hooooooolmes?

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jumperfucker
2011-07-20 08:22 pm (local) (link)
They've gotten the rigor mortis right, at any rate. They always forget that corpses tend to stiffen.

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consulting_detective
2011-07-20 08:22 pm (local) (link)
Oh, look, out comes the clichéd magnifier.

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not_thatbill
2011-07-20 08:23 pm (local) (link)
Oooh, look at me, I'm so smooth

My name's Sherlock Holmes and I can take vital evidence from the police any day I want

Oooh, ouuuh

(Reply to this) (Thread)


sarah_s
2011-07-20 08:23 pm (local) (link)
Watson, your appreciation of pretty Greek (Roman?) men is showing.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

 
not_thatbill
2011-07-20 08:24 pm (local) (link)
 LOLOLOLOLOLOL I LOVE THIS PART

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let_us_trade
2011-07-20 08:25 pm (local) (link)
 Sooooo subtle, that bit. Not.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


 
 
Rayna (Nin)ningen_demonai on August 1st, 2011 04:22 am (UTC)
D'you know what Fanfic Flamingo is? Have you ever seen that one that says something along the lines of "Virgin girl in school. Know everything on how gay porn works"? Yeah.

The faux post and comments still confuse me, especially since I have John friended. Dammit!

18:22 consulting.detective: You're already mine.
18:23 you: yeah, well.
it goes both ways.

Giggling and squirming around like a true shipper.
voices in the darkmisha0529 on August 3rd, 2011 10:58 am (UTC)
YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS PART. John meeting Sherlock is my favorite thing EVER and it doesn't even happen onscreen!

I hope everybody watches the Six Napoleons when they read this because you were right, it made it so much better!

It still makes me sad that we had to break up the watchalong
sfumatosoupsfumatosoup on October 19th, 2011 03:23 pm (UTC)
I love how I feel like I'm a part of this utter awesome that is happening. How are you such a genius. Seriously. god.

i just cringed with the initial momentary embarrassment John must've felt upon seeing Sherlock was the con guy he'd been ogling. So cute! It looks like the outcome of Jim_fromit's assholery was a shove for them to get together afterall. he must be damn pissed about that.
agh. I can't figure out how you wrapped this complex thing up into something that works and fits in with sherlock canon somehow still. You must be incredibly detail oriented. Or else just that obsessive with the fandom. Another thing I adore is how aware you are of the fandom and all of what we do and how we act and speak and the trope and the interweb nods you make. THE SCARY thing is for me, is that I totally recognize and GET all of your references. Which means I'm probably overly obsessed with this fandom and addicted to the internet. :/
bellcheria: JohnLockbellcheria on July 15th, 2012 04:55 am (UTC)
You utter prat.TEXTING UNDER THE TABLE.gorgeous bloke.lyrical.dksahdljkasdlk
LOL THE CHAT WITH MYCROFT I CANNOT ANYMORE FNSLKDNKD
LOLOLOLOL Mrs Hudson joining in writing dirty stories, I love her <33
EMPEROR OF MOPING. I actually have a tear in my right eye from laughing LOL;
aahhwww the end of that chat is CUTE <333
And I love the end where they all watch together xDD
just as real as you are: pic#121938712radialarch on December 19th, 2013 01:37 pm (UTC)
ngl, i also grin like an idiot upon hearing the granada theme music <333
Babedont_callmebabe on September 19th, 2016 12:22 am (UTC)
Je suis en admiration !
Et Mycroft qui squatte le chat, c'est la cerise sur le gâteau ! <3